Ten Years

Right about now, I've passed the ten-year mark. Ten winters that I've experienced here, and countless lessons learned. Time flies.

Many people have asked me about The Moment, the one decisive turning point that changed the course of my future - to be honest, I don't remember how I decided to leave home and come here. I was 16 and hadn't given my future much thought; I could have gone to the better high schools in Singapore, so why do it any other way. Until one day, my parents suggested something different. Follow the white rabbit! Took the SSATs, talked to relatives and friends about the pros and cons of going to high school in the US. An interview was arranged with an admissions rep who was recruiting in Jakarta - my mum wrote an excuse for school, we hopped on a plane there and back in a single day. We flipped through pages of glossy brochures with smiling Caucasian faces, quaint Colonial buildings, and sweaters, and then the admissions rep took us out to a fancy lunch. Didn't understand much else of what happened at the time.

I got my acceptance letter in the mail. In a time before Wikipedia, I knew little of the place I was going to, except from the brochures. I was 'in', but I still worked hard for the 'O' level exams in case I changed my mind. In the end, it was decided that I was going to America. Oh there are no cats in America, and the streets are paved with cheese...

Jan 1998: I remember the knots in my stomach at the airport. A group of my closest friends had come to see me off with gifts and flowers... I bawled inconsolably. Even after the farewell troop was out of sight, in the departure hall I was still crying a river. (My mum quipped that I should stop so onlookers wouldn't think she was child trafficking. Ha!) It was an unbearably long flight... what a long way from home. When we got to the Land of Opportunity, I realized my English needed some work.

Just like that. One moment I was at home; the next, I was in Massachusetts.

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I learned a lot. Doing laundry, balancing my checkbook, eating well (I was often tempted to skip meals or overeat), being alone. I've never been alone - I mean truly alone, but I slowly learned to appreciate the beauty of solitude. I was so excited when I booked my first trip home through a travel agent (in the time before Expedia and Orbitz). When I started getting to know people, my new friends and I would take the train into Boston for a day, or walk down Main Street in our coats and boots for a hot cocoa and fresh scone. Meanwhile, my old friends in Singapore were moving on with their lives on a divergent path. I questioned my decision almost every day.

Then came college - sharing a common bathroom with 25 other people didn't faze me anymore. I could make instant noodles with my eyes closed. There were many more 'firsts'.

Despite finally adapting to life in the US at the cost of much heartache, I wanted to go home after graduation. E, who was supposed to be a quick fling and last hurrah, became my permanent derailment. My parents had a clue when I insisted that he visit them in Singapore a few summers ago. Then the rest, as they say, is history.

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Ten years is a long time.

The same friends who saw me off at the airport ten years ago are now married too. I regret not being there to witness their ups and downs, just as I wish I could've shared mine with them more intimately than over e-mail and the annual cup of coffee. As for family, I've kept every letter, newspaper clipping, recipe, postcard from my mom. My occasional letters to her have been returned with red ink correcting my Chinese. (Bah!) I still think of home every day.

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Anyway. Hubs and I celebrate our leather wedding anniversary in 2 days, and we go home for Chinese New Year in 20+ days. Yay!